Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
