I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
