I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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