my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
