She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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