There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
