The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
