Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
