My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so let's talk penis.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
