don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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