lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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