Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
