If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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