I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
