Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
