capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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