grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
