sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
