he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
