Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
