I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
