i would punch a child for taco bell
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
