i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
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The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail