I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
oh god the rape fog is back!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
