ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
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Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
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This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.