I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first