you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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