There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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