She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since