Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
