What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
