I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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