nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
