That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
