We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
