im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
