Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
