I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
