You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
