You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
it glows. i had to have it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
