Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
