vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
