well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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