her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
