there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i wish my penis had a tongue
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
