oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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