Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
