My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
