Pappa wants mamma naked
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize