i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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