I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
