I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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