sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
