"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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