and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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