You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
