Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
