I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize