If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I will pee on everything he values.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
