I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Still dying that you shit outside
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
