so explain again why im purple
no
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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