I hate your face
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you win again, gameday.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
