I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
