i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
