Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
