Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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