I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
