i barfeds in our rink
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
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i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
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Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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