I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
