If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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