i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
