You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
