this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
