Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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