yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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