Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
