So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
