Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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