So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I will pee on everything he values.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
