im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
