Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Randomize
