He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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