i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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