tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
