He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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