Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
